…I am done with being a part of disseminating & encouraging the proliferation of all of the above. Writing is good. It helps one cultivate a perspicacious mind…so I’ll keep that up on a private blog to slow the atrophy of what once was a fairly capable and intelligent brain (that now, well…god knows the state it’s in after incurring years of abuse and neglect, haha).
I’ve grown weary of the pretentious shit everyone [myself included] posts everywhere these days – whether it be FB (I wouldn’t know from first hand experience, since I don’t have an account there really), or IG, or elephant journal… The plethora of lost souls (mostly all of us…) pontificating, crucifying, contradicting, etc etc is noisome. As much as it’s nice to think my missives to the universe may provide a dear reader with some insight ( or if nothing else a chuckle), it’s also pompous and honestly ridiculous…because I am constantly learning, and unlearning, and then relearning, to provide myself with guidance, insight, and a trenchant internal dialogue whose volume I can resist turning down for long enough to receive the message and overlook the angst it causes…
We are all in the same boat…EVERYONE…yes, everyone…and sometimes it’s smooth sailing and sometimes we are caught in a storm and sometimes we are desperately cupping water out with our hands in an attempt to avoid sinking (<—there’s me, with some sententious remarks again…). And we all make a big stink about wherever we are – ‘oh look! I’m so happy, I’m enlightened, I’m in love, it’s all good! Namaste!’ then ten minutes later ‘Oh woe is me, life is so hard, I am miserable! Look at me!! Bitch with me so we can bask in each others’ misery!!’ …and about 5 minutes after that ‘You should be doing it THIS way’ (because we all love to be judgmental pricks about someone else’s life when we can’t get ourselves out of a paper bag half the time…). My personal journey is just that – personal. So I plan to keep it that way from now on. I read the first post I made on here – and I think – who the fuck is she? I don’t even enjoy teaching yoga these days. I dread going. When I get there and I see that my efforts have benefited people to some degree, then yes, I feel momentarily good about it, but that’s just it, like every other feeling we have – it’s momentary. I am feeling these days, for myself, that the more we inflate both the positive and the negative to others, the more intense our withdrawal or our suffering is. So when I am happy, I will bask in my happiness and smile to myself, and when I am sad I will drown my sorrows in red wine and console my poor, beaten-down heart. I don’t need to share the uplifting or introspective musings of my errant mind with anyone but myself.
Platitudes for the road: to thy own self be true, know thyself, when you are lonely, get to know yourself.
Of course, I am always ready and willing to be there for anyone who needs to talk out their situation and am more than willing to spew my opinions should they REQUEST my advice – I just no longer see the value, for me or you, in the unsolicited inundation of my perspective upon you.
Thanks to all subscribers for your support in my writing & all other endeavors.
THIS BLOG IS NOW CLOSED